Career Conversations with Scot McKay

anice Chaka [: 00:00:05

Hello and welcome to another episode of the traveling introvert career conversations. Today, I am talking to Scot McKay. Scot, say hi.

Scot McKay [: 00:00:15

Ep Hey, Janice. It's a pleasure to be here today. I can't, can't wait to get on with our conversation and, see what, comes of it.

Janice Chaka [: 00:00:22

Alright. Thank you so very much for joining us. And the first question I ask everybody is, what does introversion mean to you?

Scot McKay [: 00:00:31

Well, I think a lot of times people get, introversion and shyness crossed up. And introversion to me is a function of personality type where I gain energy based on solitude and being alone rather than gaining Energy from being in a big group of people. I'm friends with a, a very erudite scholar who specializes in this area, app. And he explained it to me the best way I've ever heard. If you imagine a big social group or all the, echo Outgoing extroverted people are in the middle of the room talking amongst themselves, and everybody else is kind of along the perimeter with their hands in their pockets. There there are 2 types of people along that perimeter of the room. There are people who are desperately wishing they could be one of those people in the middle of the room and would love to be there. And there's another group of people who are looking at their watch and they can't get out of there fast enough.

Scot McKay [: 00:01:29

The former are the shy people. Epi. The latter are the introverts.

Janice Chaka [: 00:01:34

That is a great I like that. Epi yes. Because there is definitely a a section of humans that are like, oh, but not envious, but, like, they they strive to. They want to be that. They think that is the way to go. F n, and, the rest of us are like, yeah, how many people do I have to talk to, and how soon can I get out of this?

Scot McKay [: 00:01:52

Very much so. A little bit of hybridization there. I'm sure. Yeah.

Janice Chaka [: 00:02:03

Can you tell me a little bit about the work that you do currently?

Scot McKay [: 00:02:07

Yeah. I, actually have been a coach. And I guess you would say kind of a subject matter expert in the area of dating and relationships now for going on 18 years. And so I have, men and women come to both me and my wife from all over the world, looking to be better at finding love, f And we're very relationship oriented.

Janice Chaka [: 00:02:32

And so with that, I'm sure there are a lot of misconceptions. So can you tell me a couple of the misconceptions and why they are misconceptions about your industry.

Scot McKay [: 00:02:42

Well, you know, back in, say, the mid aughts, there was a lot of men's dating advice that ep was kind of focused on becoming a pickup artist and just kinda notching your bedpost. And we've always been the relationship oriented ones, and f Really good guys come to us, who want to find the woman of their dreams and live the dream with her. And echo. I think another misconception that kinda goes hand in hand with that, if you don't mind the Yeah. The industry specific reference there, is that ep People who would come to us are kind of the lovable loser type. You know, there are people who, like, lack social skill, or they're really lonely, Or like there are 40 year old virgin. I've coached 3 different navy seals, captains of industries, entrepreneurs, mostly people who have just about everything going for them or certainly a lot going for them in this life, but what they don't have is the right person to share it with a lot of wonderful, charming, even beautiful women who come to us and they're just their picker's broken. They ep keep getting the wrong guy, same relationship with the wrong guy over and over again.

Janice Chaka [: 00:03:50

Okay. And so before you did this, because you mentioned you've done this for a fair chunk of time. What did you do before that?

Scot McKay [: 00:03:58

Well, interestingly enough, I feel like I've ep Almost gone through 3 different careers by this stage. So a lot of times people talk about their life purpose or meeting their goals as if that's one big monolithic thing in on your deathbed e Someday. Hopefully, a long time from now, you reflect and go, yeah. I either did it or I did or I did not. I feel like I've accomplished some goals and lived some purposes and that, ep moved on from them. The first one was actually, kind of being a coach before the word coach was even a thing. I helped ep Kids who were headed in the wrong direction, getting into gangs and so forth in the Southwestern United States get on the right path. And then when that, ep Became a little bit of a vida loca.

Scot McKay [: 00:04:40

I went into the business world and, went into the Internet working world right when the Internet was starting to become a thing, and that was amazing. And I would say that I ascended probably to the dream job that most people would wanna have in that world, but I found it was really unfulfilling To work for a fortune 10 for a fortune 50 company making fortune 10 company richer, and I was sitting in a cubicle going, well, this can't be my destination. I just don't really feel like, I I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm having much of a purpose here other than to make somebody money. May it became a a deal where I would put together decks of slides and PowerPoints for guys 2 rungs up the corporate ladder for me for me to give f As a presentation to someone else, and I'd never even hear what happened in the presentation. And as you can imagine, that was really unfulfilling. So f I, really wanted to be in a place again where I was helping the world be a better place. Ep And right when I got out of that industry, the Internet working business world, f I went through a very bitter divorce, which left me, kinda reeling, and I knew I didn't wanna be a victim. Ep I wanted to get better.

Scot McKay [: 00:05:54

I I wanted to, be a better man. I wanted to attract, the kind of woman who, app. I could have a real relationship with that would be for a lifetime and succeeded so wildly on that journey that I'm ep Just passionate nowadays as is my wife who went along similar journey, by the way, to, help people find love and, and and, you know, that's one of the most important things in f So it's a lot more fulfilling nowadays.

Janice Chaka [: 00:06:21

And so with these changes in your career, ep especially the last one. Was there a time where you made the decision to leave or you were let go?

Scot McKay [: 00:06:34

ole industry did kinda around: 2002

Janice Chaka [: 00:07:08

Okay. And you mentioned that the Internet working world was very unfulfilling. How was it for your energy levels?

Scot McKay [: 00:07:16

Ep Well, I mean, it saps the heck out of your energy level. I mean, anytime you feel like you're kind of an anonymous member of a team, and you're just kind of keeping your nose the grindstone, Doing wrote work that you really don't see the benefit from either personally. It it ep It doesn't make you excited and enthusiastic. That's for sure. And see, I've been I'm naturally a curious enthusiastic person. I, one of my ep Guys, my friends who I, graduated high school with, once we reconnected on Facebook again years later, he said, you know what I remember about you, Scott? F You love being alive more than anybody else I know, and I took that as a tremendous compliment. So, you know, 2 years at Lucent, e I was actually warned that this job will sap sap the suck the life out of you. And I was like, well, I'm not gonna let ep Happened because, you know, I'm mister optimistic, but I I saw people around me who'd been there for 20, 30 years, and they they didn't exactly look like they were full of life energy, f To be sure.

Scot McKay [: 00:08:17

Yeah. So much better now. Much much more going on. And, you know, there's been kind of a reinvention of the American dream in my imagination f my wife. So it isn't so much living in suburbia and working in a cubicle all day. It's it's really more about freedom and being able to do what we want, go where we want travel, have the adventures, spend more money on experiences than on a new BMW to match up with the neighbors, etcetera, etcetera. You get the drift.

Janice Chaka [: 00:08:46

FPF. Okay so speaking of this new life that you are leading or not new, different life that you are leading, Can you tell me something that you have done regularly that has improved your business?

Scot McKay [: 00:08:59

Something that I've done regularly that improves my business. Well, ep I would say staying focused and continually building and learning ep and growing. I mean, even right before the podcast today that we're on, that we're recording, what I was doing up until the moments ex. We were talking together, Janice, was I was getting better. I was learning. I was on a seminar where I I was getting better at what I do, so I think you can't stay stagnant. Ep The other thing that I I would say is that we've traveled extensively, and when you travel, You learned the difference between what the media tells you and what the real world is really like. You get to know more people.

Scot McKay [: 00:09:43

Your biases, your preconceived notions ep are evaporated. I'm also gonna give you an unpopular answer. Is that okay?

Janice Chaka [: 00:09:52

Yes.

Scot McKay [: 00:09:53

Ep Like many entrepreneurs who are also introverted, I hope we get to that part at some point in this conversation because I'd love to talk about that. But, like many echo. Introverted entrepreneurs. It was easy for me to work 247, 365 without ever getting up out of my desk and thinking work, work, work, build, build, build, ep Empire Empire Empire. And my wife came to me one day and said, you know, you need some downtime, and I want you to come into the living room with me, and we're going to watch a ex stupid comedy show with no inherent value, and, I'm gonna make you sit here and watch TV with me, and And I'm like, well, TV is the biggest waste of time ever. Here here's here's the unpopular part. As a dating relationship echo. Coach.

Scot McKay [: 00:10:40

I now have found my practice so enriched because of the examples that Hollywood brings to the table. Ep Like, you watch these shows, you watch people relate, and you watch how how marriages work, and dating relationships work, echo. And the plot complications and what happens over and over again. And it seems like I can ask so many people, hey. Have you ever seen this movie? Or maybe you should watch this movie or just go to YouTube and watch x's clip of this particular scene from this particular movie, and it really illuminates the value what I do for a ep weirdly enough, having watched more TV and movies. I don't know if that I I think a lot of people's mileage would vary. I don't know if you're an accountant, it's gonna be such a positive thing, but for us, that's x been an unexpected benefit is watching more TV and movies. How that intersects with adventure and going out and experiences.

Scot McKay [: 00:11:31

I I think there's a balance, of course. I'm I'm a huge pundit, for the idea of of not watching life happen for other people on television, but going out and ep and living vicariously through yourself for a change, you know. But, I hope that answers your question for you.

Janice Chaka [: 00:11:46

It did. And that was that was a great piece of insight. And so conversely, is there something that you say no to?

Scot McKay [: 00:11:53

I say no to anything that someone else could do better, more easily, ep Or have more time too than me. I say no to things that are going to take me off my focus and my purpose, And I do so freely, and I do so, you know, cheerfully. But I don't take on things because I I'm no longer a f people pleaser. So I don't take on things simply because I hope I don't disappoint someone. I disappoint people all the time, and it's interesting they just go okay, and they get over it, ep You know, because I I just don't have time for everything in the world nowadays. So no is an easy answer.

Janice Chaka [: 00:12:30

And I think that, f from an entrepreneur's point of view, that is probably the hardest thing for entrepreneurs to learn. I

Scot McKay [: 00:12:39

app. I mean, until you scale to a certain point, then you have to say no to to almost everything because you only have so many hours in the day, and it's gotta be delegated to someone else. Ep I mean, I outsource just about everything nowadays.

Janice Chaka [: 00:12:52

Is that how you conserve, preserve your energy as an introverted entrepreneur?

Scot McKay [: 00:12:58

No. I think it's just a matter of necessity. I I just simply don't have time to do everything that needs to be done around here, and importantly, I'm often not the best guy to do it. Ex There's a certain arrogance in my mind associated with okay. I'm the expert at everything. I'm the lord high everything else. You app. I wear many hats around here, and so I don't need a webmaster.

Scot McKay [: 00:13:16

I don't need a video guy. I don't need an editor. I don't need other coaches. I don't need anybody. I'm just gonna do it all x off. I think that's that's the battle cry of someone who is an underachiever in life, and they wonder why that happened, because they wanted to do everything themselves, because they They they thought they had it all. I am absolutely sure f And convinced that there are people all over the world who are better at what they do than I'll ever be at it no matter how much time, practice, or stubbornness I put into ep And it's just a lot easier to let them do that and appreciate them for their work instead of trying to be all things to all people. Actually, I think that's a function of immaturity, frankly, ep to be that way.

Janice Chaka [: 00:14:01

Okay. Yeah. So many things I wanna ask about that.

Scot McKay [: 00:14:06

Ask them all, man. Go for it.

Janice Chaka [: 00:14:09

Well, because it's you'll get people on their entrepreneurial journey who FR just starting out. And so what advice would you give to them to get to the stage where they will go and delegate things? Because a lot of the times people are focused on, well, saving money because they're trying to get started.

Scot McKay [: 00:14:29

Yeah. A 100%. Ep Here's I'll I'll give you the voice of experience. And I don't wanna sound like I had everything figured out from step 1. I I most certainly didn't. Ep I mean, I was raised where nothing was ever good enough, and anytime there was even a scintilla of ep Lack of accomplishment. We had to fix it because it was broken, and that, you know, that was no way to be raised, and it's no way to live. So over the years, I I've come down from that.

Scot McKay [: 00:14:58

But the what I would say to someone who's a new entrepreneur is, first of all, you are going to feel ep Like an imposter for probably a full year if you're doing something that has any complexity to complexity to it at all. F I remember probably the 1st year, year and a half I was running XMI Communications. Every day, Janet ep Janice, I learned something that made me feel stupid for not knowing it already. I'm, like, oh, you've gotta be kidding. That's how you do this? And I I almost I I I I just felt really humbled by that, because I'm I've always been tested as a high IQ individual, so I don't like looking stupid. But any and and what that'll do if you let it, especially if you're an introvert, is it'll keep you from trying new things. It'll keep you in your box of what you know. And anytime you stop learning, anytime you stop growing, anytime you become so stubborn that you don't wanna be coached by anybody else, you act like you know everything.

Scot McKay [: 00:15:53

That's like the worst fault you can have because echo. Stuck with all the rest of your falls for the rest of your life. So I didn't I I decided that wasn't a very good plan. So ep Simply having the humility to say, alright, there's someone who can do this better than me, and I probably should let them. And now we live in the world of AI f Where, you know, I don't believe a an AI is as good as the most talented humans, but it certainly is better than me at a lot of things. So, you know, that's better than me spending time unnecessarily that AI could do in an instance to, you know, do a better job. F. So again, there's a balance there, but I also think that what goes along with that is an arrogance, at least on my part.

Scot McKay [: 00:16:35

I can't speak for everybody else. I don't want to project, But I always thought that if I'm not good at it, then clearly it must cost an arm and a leg to get it done right. Because it's gotta be so complicated and such a rare valuable skill. And then I paid like $100 for somebody to do something f and a half an hour that would have took taken me 10 years of learning to figure out, and I still wouldn't have had the inherent talent for it. And that's what set me straight on that. And then I realized, okay, it's Perfectly good to have a team of people around me doing what I can't do. And we all get lifted up, and we're all better that way.

Janice Chaka [: 00:17:12

Episode. I like that a lot. Thank you for that. And a surprise question not related to anything that I've been talking about is, in your opinion, is a hotdog a sandwich?

Scot McKay [: 00:17:25

Yes. F Brad has got something in the middle of it. If if a hot dog isn't a sandwich, then the sub isn't a sandwich. Same design.

Janice Chaka [: 00:17:33

Episode. I like the way you answered and you said why? It was straight out that I was like yes I know what this is and off you go. Thank you. So please tell the audience where they can find you out on the internet or maybe in person but ep where is the best place to find you and find out more about the wonderful work that you do with your wife?

Scot McKay [: 00:17:55

rld, ep It's been there since: 2007

Scot McKay [: 00:18:30

I have great guests. And also if you want to talk to me personally where you find me in person, just like you said, Janice, you can get on my calendar. 1st 25 minutes is free. We'll talk about where you are, where you wanna be. And, if you wanna do a program with me, we can do that. If you wanna find a different solution, that's fine also. Episode. I also just recently added, an audio program to that site that I'm excited about.

Scot McKay [: 00:18:55

And I know this is something that introverts would probably struggle with is how to talk to your son about women and sex for dads because I think the best way to ep handle this in this this epidemic, of men and women not knowing how to relate to each other f is for a parent to actually make that part of parenting. And I think a lot of moms and dads put their heads in the sand and just don't f Wanna talk about it because it's either too shameful or too weird or too awkward. I remove all those obstacles for you in that little program, and it's only 20 x and well worth the investment.

Janice Chaka [: 00:19:33

Yes. I agree wholeheartedly with what you said there. Episode. It could make a huge difference in the world and how people relate to each other. Thank you so very much for your time and answering my questions and sharing what you do with us Scott. Yeah it has been great having you on board. Episode. This is Janice from the careerintrovert.com helping you build your brand and get hired.

Janice Chaka [: 00:19:56

Have a great rest of your week.