Toxic self care and self love advice

6 minutes

today I want to talk about some popular sort of self care and self love advice that is actually quite toxic. So this came about because a coach that I follow was very vulnerable and open about something that had happened. And one of the things she mentioned that had held her back from realising that this thing was happening is because she her mindset was very much about stay positive and no toxicity. And it's just a mindset thing.


While all the time her body was giving her signals that something was wrong. And so this led me to dig a bit deeper about some things that we hear a lot. And one of those things is positive vibes only stay positive. People use it because they think it's uplifting, but it's actually quite dismissive. Often people say when people voiced sadness, frustration, emotional fatigue and anger, basically any other emotion but happiness, a positive attitude, yes, of course, can get you a long way, but took it, acknowledging it and letting yourself and others just feel those emotions is really, really important.


And then some other things of there, how not to give a word in here. You know, you shouldn't care what people think. Of course, it's fine. You can enjoy a certain type of music, but not care about how your actions affect other people. It's basically just wrong. And it fortunately, it means that many people just take it to mean I don't care what happens, even if it might hurt other people in order to self care and self-love, it's important to consider what consequences your actions have on the world around you.


It's almost like a narcissism of self-help. Basically, it boils down to everyone else is wrong. You were always right. And the only problem you need to fix is that you care too much about what other people think. And that's that's not correct. And then. There's some other things that come up. So the kind of thing where you are, huh, this is a really common one is a find, a job you love and you never work a day in your life.


I mean, kind of. Sort of, but not really. Even if you do get a job that you love, it's going to suck sometimes because nothing is great all the time. I mean, that's why you get paid to do what you do. This advice makes you feel like a failure when you've had a bad day at work. Plus, there's a lot of value of working for a living and finding your satisfaction on a more personal level.


So, you know, it's really, really important to just think about these things, because not every day is going to be wonderful, but every day is going to be perfect, no matter how much you might love your job. Stuff sucks sometimes because that's just the way the world works. And so that's really interesting about these sort of positivity things that kind of keep people down and the blood is thicker than water, especially when it comes to our family.


And this is where you should feel obligated to be loyal to your family no matter what. But if they're toxic and abusive, then there's no reason for you to keep them around in your life, especially if it's detrimental to your own well-being and mental health. And not only that, you know, there's a family, you have the family, you choose. Not everyone happens to have blood relation, so they choose a family. So part of that is also the definition of family is can be a very grey, muddy area with a lot of people.


So these are some things that are brought up time and time again that can be detrimental overall to how you feel and what you do. You shouldn't necessarily be thinking about these things in such a way that you forget about other people and how your actions affect other people, what you do and what you say affects other people. Yes, being positive is great, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to feel a whole range of emotions. And as some people also just would like to feel, no emotions, no emotions at all would be great because emotions get you into trouble emotionally.


You get hurt. Emotions lead other people to see what you're feeling and thinking. But being able to work through those emotions and have them is part of the joy of being human. So just a little rant, I guess, about toxic positivity. Thank you for listening. This is If you have any questions or anything you would like me to answer in this podcast, email me at




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